January 10, 2016 by Cláudia
Today I will not provide any useful insight. I need help. Please.
I believe in gender equality with all my heart but he doesn’t and how can I have a relationship with him like this? How can I be with someone that believes each gender has its own place and that men need to protect women and be stronger and dadada.
This question never came up but when I jokingly said I wanted to gain arm muscle so that I could beat him everything escalated. I don’t want to relive what he said or read the messages he wrote again. It was something like I couldn’t handle you being stronger than me because I would feel my masculinity diminished. If you were stronger than me I would feel useless because I couldn’t protect you and that would be a humiliation (I wouldn’t need protection if I were strong enough to defend myself). I don’t mind you getting stronger, just not stronger than me.
I tried to explain why that was chauvinistic – believing men should be stronger than women – but he kept disregarding what I was saying and dismissing terms like feminism as “absurd” and “disrupting”. He says that if believing this makes him a chauvinistic, then he is one.
This never came up. He is kind and treats me well. But he, as many many others have this concepts inculcated – concepts that I don’t think I can live with. He feels humiliation if he is not “the man”. I am waiting for him to say sorry and recognize there’s nothing wrong with me being stronger than him, but that’s just not happening. He’s just texting me things like “why are you so upset?”, “why does this matter to you so much?” and treating this like a pointless tantrum.
I don’t want to let this go as I let go so many things. I want to get to the bottom of this and I want this to be changed. I want a world where there is no defined role for any gender. And that should start on my own relationship.