September 23, 2015 by Cláudia
I have a dream, like a fantasy: it is all a test.
All this world, all this cruelty, everything is a test. I am raised to think that things are the way they are and there’s nothing we can do to change that. Through all my life I have coexisted with cruelty and pain and I’ve been made believe that it is normal, it is just the way the world is. But this is all a test. The real world is different. In the real world people are truly free, free in their minds, free from mental barriers, free from hatred and greed. In the real world people act like people and not like machines. People have feelings and are not diminished for having them. Everyone is human and treats others with Humanity. It is not the seek for power that rules the real world. The priority is human happiness and not money. Therefore, people dedicate themselves to creating things, like music and art, beautiful things that bring us happiness and feelings, unlike our search for money that only numbs and corrupts us. Humankind has such great ability to make beautiful things. So in the real world, Nature is preserved and honored as part of us, as our most precious treasure.
I was put in this world as a test, it is all an illusion. I was put here to test whether I am fit for purpose in the real world, it is like a dream, a bad dream that I have to overcome. And when I wake up, it will be perfect. I am here as a test and I have to be strong and prove that even in this world I will not be corrupted. I am depressed, but I am also fighting against this wrong, sick corrupted world. In this world, my mind is sick, but in reality, the only sick thing is this world. I’m not well here, but that’s a good thing because I am not part of this world. I belong in the other world, the real, good one. Everyone tells me that it is idealistic but I believe in another way. I am depressed because I am not going to conform with this. This world is so broken, so wrong, that I don’t understand how not to be depressed by it. I think I see the world as it is.
So I have to stay strong. I have to prove I am fit for purpose for the real world. I have to fight against what this world wants to make of me. I do not do things I do not believe in to fit in or to make money. I stay true to who I am. But I still don’t act out all my beliefs. I want to do a lot more but I get distracted or demotivated. I still don’t have the courage to act: that’s why I am still here, that’s why I haven’t passed this test yet. There are so many distractions all around, and society does not want individual thinkers who act out their beliefs. I succumb to distraction and sometimes exist rather than live. Sometimes I just react instead of acting. Sometimes I am not brave enough although I have a good heart and good intentions. For example, the other day I was in a march for welcoming well the refugees. I felt good in having so many people around me who wanted as well to welcome these people well. But then at the end, some neo-nazis appeared and started saying things like protecting the country etc. and the people who were marching in my side got really aggressive with them and called them names and said things like “fascists, nazis, we will get you of this country, you don’t deserve to live here!”. I had a placard that said “Liberté, Egalité, Fraternité” and I mean those values from the bottom of my heart. I wish I said something. I wish I had said “I don’t agree but you are free to think about it”. I wish I made a speech about the hypocrisy of the liberal and tolerant side being ostracizing people for their beliefs. I wish I did something other that staying there and looking sad and saying nothing.
I am fit for the good world. I am trying to prove it. I will prove it and then they will see I am like them and everything will be exactly like I have been dreaming. I have to stay strong and to be brave. I have to do it do get out of here.
I have this dream, this fantasy. That this is all a test, and real world is waiting for me.
I will be happy.