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May 16, 2019 by Cláudia

I have bedbugs on my bed.

I am very uncomfortable and I  cannot think of anything else. I cannot sleep, I keep taking showers, as if that would help anything. I have a permanent feeling of itchiness, both real and imagined.

Bedbugs have this superpower to make their victims insane. They are mostly invisible so their victims wonder if they are actually there. Outside people don’t believe them. And thus they isolate their victims. But they leave clues around… a small stain. Then a shell. It could easily be something else. Is it actually bedbugs? Or am I going insane?

People sceptically ask: “Have you actually seen them?”

NO! You normally can’t really see them, only their traces.

Yet there they are. Lurking. Waiting for their victims to be the most vulnerable. Then they attack.

Their attack is not really painful. Not really severe. Just enough for causing a constant feeling of discomfort.

How can a being so tiny cause so much distress?

I have spent the past days searching the web for clues to identify bedbugs and tips to get rid of them.

Looking at everything in my room. Thinking they are infesting my clothes, my bags, my curtains…

Even though in the long run, this will be an almost forgotten problem, at the moment it is honestly all I can think about.

Bedbugs are an interesting metaphor to how a small circumstantial problem may obfuscate everything that may be going on and make us lose sight of the bigger picture. And this a challenge in terms of negative self-talk.

In a couple of years, I won’t really remember how desperate I feel at the moment. I will remember how upset I was about this time and I will laugh at myself for being so desperate – of course the problem was solved!

But, for now, it is okay to only think about bedbugs. It’s okay to be desperate.

I am allowed to feel upset.

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