I am enough. I have enough. But do I do enough?

3

March 5, 2017 by What Is A Name After All?

In one day of a 30-day yoga programme, one of the affirmations was I am enough. I have enough. I do enough.

While I am enough and I have enough resonated with me, when I said that I do enough I didn’t really feel like I deserved to say it.

Do I do enough?

I do something, and I care a lot. But I am discouraged too much of my time, I feel lazy and miss opportunities to actually make a difference. This happens frequently. Maybe I’m being too hard on myself, but maybe I do need to be hard on myself in order to actually change something. Sometimes I am not awake. Sometimes I plan on doing something but then I just lay in my bed and watch a TV-show. I don’t know whether I’m being too hard on myself or I’m not being hard enough.

I have done many many changes in me and in my life in past years – I am more and more aware of the environmental impact of my actions, I am more tolerant and kind to other people, I am more aware than ever of how I can actually change the world, I have this blog in which I try to share and spread ideas of solidarity, tolerance and equality. I don’t judge people anymore when they make different life choices than me and understand that everyone has the right to discover what’s right for them in their own way. I read and inform myself so that I can inform others and change things in my life to help. I learned about zero-waste, animal rights, fair trade, organic and a lot of different concepts that have changed my life and keep changing it every day.

Clearly I am not doing nothing. But I cannot honestly say I am doing everything I can. Not even close. I want to create a project regarding homelessness, with the aim of changing people’s perspectives and stigmas on it. The project right now is merely a vague idea without any practical concretization. I want to be zero waste, but laziness and lack of will power just leads me to make the easier choice sometimes. I want to get involved in so many different things that usually end up getting involved in nothing.

I have this burning fear that I will be at the end of my life and regret that I wasted so much time. That I will feel like I could have done more, could have felt more, could have changed more.

I know I am enough and I feel this huge potential inside of me. But other parts of me sometimes prevent me from reaching my full potential – fear of speaking in public, fear of being inadequate, lack of motivation, residual depression and anxiety – and sometimes it turns into a terrible cycle in which I am not doing much because I feel demotivated and I feel demotivated because I am not doing much.

In retrospective, I recognize that I am much changed – for the better. I recognize that I will change in the future as well. But, as for the present, I can’t help to think that I could do so much more. Maybe I will never consider I am doing enough. I am always seeing new things I can improve – both in me and in the world around me – and maybe that’s just how growth happens. Maybe it’s okay for me to think I am not doing enough if it will inspire me to do more and more and better and better. Or maybe I should be proud of my progress instead of focusing on the things I should be doing.

Any thoughts? Is it better to try to feel like I am doing enough just the way it is or to try more, searching for the unattainable, vague, concept of enough?

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3 thoughts on “I am enough. I have enough. But do I do enough?

  1. zumasrevenge says:

    It sure sounds like you are on the right track. Simply acknowledging these things is far more than most people are doing. I know I have struggled many times to try to change the world by sharing my opinions and insight… but when it comes down to it, only our actions can change the world. One day at a time, try to be the person you wish everyone else would be. Even if the ONLY person you change is yourself, you just made the world a better place.

    Liked by 2 people

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