Being Young, Alone and Depressed
15June 3, 2015 by Cláudia
How sad!
I have a lot of things I want to write about, but tonight I just want to talk about me. I miss talking about me to someone who will listen.
I am in college but I have no friends there (absolutely none). I thought I would make friends, but I was wrong. I don’t know why but I just don’t connect with anyone, this never happened before. I am probably one of the best students of my course and I don’t feel appreciated. I feel like everyone looks down on me and doesn’t take me serious, as if being a good student says something bad about me. They text me to ask for favors and then don’t thank me or talk to me about other things. They take pictures with me and post them on social network but then in real life we don’t talk at all. I’ve tried to connect, tell something about me, I have so many things to say, but no one cared. I know absolutely nothing about my classmates and they know nothing about me. Am I the problem?
I feel alone. No one to talk to. I don’t want to overload my boyfriend with all my stupid shit. I had good friends last year but I lost them. One of them was struggling with depression and completely isolated herself. The other one had a really bad temper and I couldn’t deal with it anymore. She was a good friend but I was tired of feeling stepped on by her.
I feel stepped on quite a lot these days. The people in my college don’t care about me, only about what I can give them. My two only friends nowadays only come to me to talk about their problems and make me feel like my problems are devalued. I feel like I am more their shrink than their friend. They make me feel so devalued as a person. They say things like “I think you have no real problems, you only make them up in your head” or “I think your parents are just fine, you have no reason to feel bad about that situation”. The truth is they don’t really know much about my life and my pain, although I know all of theirs. When I talk about why I’m feeling down, I feel like I have to justify myself and convince them that I have reasons to feel bad. I want to give up on their friendship but then I have no friend at all.
No one truly understands me. My mother gets angry and tells me “Just be okay!” like there is a light switch I can turn on and off. And it really hurts when people say these things because it shows they don’t know what I’ve been through and the pain I feel. Depression is really a solitary disease. If I could just turn it off don’t you think I would? Many times I feel I have no remedy possible. I can’t take pills because all of them that I tried give me bad side effects. But the worst part is the isolation. I want someone to talk to but I don’t have anyone in my life to talk to. All my “friends” seem selfish to me.
I have so much to give, so much love. I do anything for my loved ones but then I don’t get it in return and my pride is hurt. Why is everyone so selfish? I am depressed because I care too much. I don’t want just friends to show on facebook or to hang out and spend time. I want true friends, that care about me and that give me as much as I give them. Is that too much to ask?
There is so much more to it but I lack words. And will power.
Chaotic Scribbles 
It doesn’t seem like you totally lack words 🙂 you have the words to write about how you’re feeling, and that’s important. But I also understand, it’s tough to find exactly the right words for how we feel.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oh thank you 🙂 I think it is a general feeling when you write that you can’t express everything you’re thinking, specially because sometimes what you think does not have any words that describe them.
But we need to try to use the means that we have to communicate the best we can, right? 🙂
Thank you for taking time to comment, that means a lot!
LikeLike
I rili understand how you feel, I have never been depressed but there have been times when I have alot to say but there is jst no one to listen and that feeling rili sucked.
Anyways don’t lose hope and courage and always have it in mind that “Tomorrow will be better”. *Happy days ahead*
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you 🙂
LikeLike
Hey! We all feel that way.. If we have big thoughts, most people won’t understand, as most people don’t have big thoughts.. If you do a bell curb on intelligence most people will be average, a few will be below, and then again a few above.. If you’re not just going with the flow, like most people are, you’ll find yourself sticking out.. And it doesn’t feel that great, no, but at least you’re not just wasting away in apathy. Good on you, and hang in there!
LikeLiked by 2 people
Thank you for taking the time, really ! It gets lonely being me… Having no one to connect to… I have so many ideas and I’m so enthusiastic about them, but then I see the apathy and the conformism all around me and I fall into depression and feel demotivated… I wish there were people who could understand, but no one around me does, no one. It is very lonely being me.
Thank you for commenting. I know there are people like me out there I just haven’t found them yet in real life.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Where exactly do you live? 🙂 I’m guessing that, there are more people like you than you think, they’re just all feeling demotivated from not being listened to, much like yourself. I recognize the things you feel too, and we’re not even from the same country. There’s gotta be more of us.
LikeLike
I am from Portugal 🙂 I know you are right , I mean they must be hiding somewhere ! Where are you from ?
LikeLike
Denmark 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
I completely understand how you feel.. the isolation is the worst and you should focus on being able to speak to someone. I have a boyfriend but don’t want to speak to him about how I feel, him and my depression are completely separate. Weather that’s right or wrong – it works for me! That’s why I’m on here, even though I don’t know you all, I just want someone to listen. And we do.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you . It is ! It’s hard to talk about depression because you really can’t understand it unless you have been through it. I don’t know who can I speak in real life that won’t make me feel like my problem doesn’t matter or I am exagerating or making this up in my mind… But thank you a lot for taking the time and comment , it is good to know there are people who relate
LikeLiked by 2 people
I get it. It sounds like you feel a lot like I did for most of my life, off and on. The thing that helped me, with ALL of it, was finding a counselor (therapist). No fear of overwhelming them or hurting their feelings…I’m saying that if you keep taking steps to get better, like you have by writing this blog, it won’t always be this way.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you ! I have a therapist actually , lets ser how that works out. I am doing better than a few years ago as well. I’m not always extremely pessimistic , but there are relapses of course!
LikeLiked by 1 person
U should be able to tell your boyfriend anything and he shouldn’t feel burdened by your problems his job is to help u with your problems
LikeLike
Yes, but when I have problems everyday, constantly feeling depressed and down I get that it is too much…
LikeLiked by 1 person