October 30, 2014 by What Is A Name After All?
I wrote this nonsense in inverted commas because it is, in a way, a story. It was a nightmare.
Like in all dreams, I was a character. Life was normal. College life, I had a crush but then my true love reappeared so I left the first one to be with the second one, but still was with the first one one last (first for him) time before I got back with the love.
Meanwhile, I had work to do. I got in a group with two other girls, very nice girls, and we did our work. At the end, the teacher said it wasn’t good enough, it was a 5.9 (out of 20), and so we were going to be executed.
Our phones where taken as well as our citizen card and passport. We couldn’t escape. I was terrified, but no one seemed to find that odd at all. I mean, it was a situation that never happened before but still no one protested, no one tried to save us. When the time came, one girl went slowly to death. I, who was frenetically trying to find an ally or some way out of it, convinced the other girl to run away with me. But she wasn’t that into it, she actually started complaining about running too fast.
My plan was finding a phone, text my mother with my agony. But she already knew. It was on the news. Everyone knew and did nothing. I met a colleague in the street who merely gave me a hug. My mother picked me up from where I was, brought me home, and kept me locked up until the next execution. I yielled at her, saying I would die. And she waved like it’s a pity. When she told me the information about the execution I actually felt a bit of excitement.
I woke up, thankfully. I know the rest of the dream would be me trying to escape that unexpected bizarre death and more and more coming close to it. The only hope I had was to reach my loved one because we function very alike. I just wanted to be saved… I needed to be saved… Or I was going to be killed. It was horrifying. Now it doesn’t seem so because both me and you know this isn’t reality but living the dream it was actually one of my most terrifying ones.
What does it mean?
Well, first of all I can see my doubts about the world. My questions. Can we trust the world will remain by the same rules it has been? Can we really be calm and believe we are safe from anything this bizarre and innapropriated to happen? Well, there are some cases like my dream but in general we just trust nothing will change.
Then, I was, once again, distanced from the “others”. In my dream, the others were conformed with my death sentence (even the ones who were sentenced as well). Through all of it I was expecting someone to tell me it was a joke, as it was so out of what is “average” but everyone else accepted this pretty easily. No one tried to change the situation or even admit it wasn’t fair or in any way earned. Everyone just seemed a little sadic and said there was nothing to be done. Just go to your death… I suppose this was my brain being afraid of how humans take orders that come from a “higher power” even if they are completely absurd.
Finally, I think it is important to think about the people who are close to me. Mt mother, in my dream was cold-hearted, easily going to give my life away, even with a pinch of joy. This isn’t the first time I dream about this situation. Not because she would give my life away, but she is in fact cold-hearted and many times does me harm without even feeling guilt or realizing what she’s doing to me. Thinking to know what’s best, or what should be done, she completely forgets my actual needs.
On the other hand, the dream could have never let me reach my love, for he has never let me down. He has never left me needing help, and he would never leave me to die, not even on a dream (I know he wouldn’t and the mind controles the dream).
Concluding, I just had a dream which made me think of being alone, helpless, the only one who was trying to save me, who wasn’t conformed with what she was told.
That’s who I am.