The First One

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October 12, 2014 by Cláudia

I don’t want to be a blogger. I just wanted to share one specific text I wrote this afternoon. I’m writing the first one so that my first and only post is not about depression. Because that is depressing.

I don’t like my username. I wanted “jepensedoncjesuis” but it wasn’t available. And I don’t like to be told “no”.

I have nothing to tell you, I have nothing to teach you. All I have is questions. For example, what is a name afterall? The word we say when someone asks “Who are you?”. But I am not my name, I mean, how can anyone be a name? So who am I?

Those are questions that drove me crazy during a period when I was depersonalizing and derealization. I can’t really honestly say that I am not anymore. But who cares about my story? I’m not here to talk about my story.

So why am I here? Like I said, I just wanted to post one simple text I wrote today and then the idea of a blog popped out. But it won’t last. Nothing really does. I just start projects and then leave them in half. Moreover, I don’t like to write in English. I write in portuguese because it’s my country and my home. English words don’t really match to what I’m really trying to say. I write small poems in portuguese and with little words I can say everything and here I am in the 248th word with nothing say.

I guess my blogging activity is doomed to failure.

To conclude this useless text, I just wanted some kind of introduction other than “hey I’ve been depressed and still am” in which I failed completely. How to introduce myself in a text? It is impossible.

It is impossible to introduce anyone.

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